My Old Life
by shirleypositive72
Summary: I had it all. A husband I loved, a good job, a perfect daughter. One rainy night changed it all forever. I'm back home. Back to the life I left behind. I just want my old life back. AH, Rated T for now. This will change.
1. Bella Leaves Her Old Life

**A/N: Just couldn't stay away from my keyboard. This is very different from my other B/J story. There is sadness in this chapter. Please DO NOT EXPECT A SET UPDATE SCHEDULE. I truly, truly suck at updating. Please no flames because of something you're being warned about in advance. I don't really know how long this will be. The characters tell me what to do. i just write it down.**

I never thought I'd be back here. Not to stay, anyway. My life was going other places, with other people. The outcome was supposed to be so much different. I suppose I should just count my blessings and be grateful that I have a place to come to, a place to start over, a place to heal surrounded by the familiar. At the moment, I can't find a way to do that. At the moment, I just feel suffocated by that familiarity. The people surrounding me are smothering me with their concern. Smothering me with their own need to help. I don't want help right now. Right now, I want my life back. But that life is gone.

After I moved in with my Dad in my junior year of high school, I learned to love Forks. The transition from my mother's home in Phoenix to small town Washington with my dad was not exactly easy, but it's not like I came into an entirely unknown place. I'd spent summers and alternate Christmases here since I was four. A lot of the close friends I made in high school were kids I knew from those visits.

I'd known Paul, Jake, and Leah from summer days in La Push at First Beach. They're Quileute and I'm not, but that didn't mean anything to us. My dad was best friends with Jake's father, Billy Black, and Leah's parents, Harry and Sue Clearwater. We played in the water and sand and dug for snails. When we got older, we dug each other and learned how to kiss. Paul taught me. Being the oldest by a whole year, he figured he was an expert. He wasn't bad. It meant not a thing to the two of us, not really. Jake and Leah practiced together. It meant the world to Jake but not so much to Leah. He pined for her all throughout adolescence. He got her to realize she really did love him, too. Eventually.

After Leah and her little brother Seth's father died, we saw less of them. Their house became quiet. A lot of time passed. And then my dad, Police Chief Charlie Swan of Forks, Washington, pulled up his big boy pants and got the nerve to ask Sue Clearwater out on a date. They got married just before I left for college. So I have a brother and sister now.

Edward, Emmett, Alice, Rose, and Jasper were the children of my dad's fishing buddies. Our families had little else in common. Edward and Alice Cullen are twins. Their dad is the chief surgeon at Forks's little hospital; their mother is an interior designer. Emmett McCarty's dad runs wilderness tours. Jasper Whitlock's parents own a garage. Rose Hale's family owns most of the town. We were cool, though, to be left alone with a mom or two on Saturdays while our dad's were pulling in the fish.

These kids were constants in my life in Washington. Year after year, we hung out, marveled as only kids can at all the minute changes since the summer before. By the time I moved, Edward and I really liked the changes we saw in each other. We dated from almost the day I moved until almost the day I left. He was my first. Not my first kiss; that was Paul ,and sometimes he said that out loud just to piss Edward off. But he was my first everything else. I loved him as much as my teenaged self was able to. I always knew, though, in the back of my mind, that he probably wasn't _the one._

I was happy at home, popular in school, content with my boyfriend. I had a lot fun and raised a little hell. Still, I never quite envisioned Forks being the last stop on my tour of the world. When it came time for college, I knew I had to strike out on my own. But not _too_ on my own. I still wanted to be close to the little bit of family I had. My dad and I had just settled into a close relationship, and Mom was moving around a lot with her ball playing husband, so I chose to stay in the Pacific Northwest. But not Washington; that defeated the "getting out there on my own" feel of the move. I chose Oregon State University and said goodbye to my dad, my friends, my boyfriend. I became a proud Beaver. Yes, the most awesome school mascot ever. No jokes there from my friends at home.

I loved Corvallis. Oregon had much the same feel as Washington, and the small yet bustling town vibe Corvallis projected was just what I was looking for. I was away, but still comfortable. None of my friends from Forks chose OSU, so I was forced into overcoming any lingering introversion and meet new people. I joined a sorority and learned to socialize like a big girl. There wasn't too much time for that, though. I double majored in English and education. That's about as easy as it sounds. Books were my life, for the most part.

And then I met Riley Biers in sophomore year.

Tall, blond, soft spoken, fun, smart, baseball player, broad shoulders, and a great ass. What more could I ask for? Nothing, that's what. We met at a party thrown by his frat,Chi Phi. They were jocks and partiers, he was a legacy, and he fit right in. They threw the best parties; there was a pole on the dance floor. I may or may not have taken a spin. Had to get his attention, right? Not naked. NOT naked. Just drunk, but my sorority sisters were there, so I felt safe. As a member of Kappa Delta, it was strange that I hadn't met him yet, but I really did study a lot. While some of my sisters were more frequent attendees at the Chi Phi house, I'd only been a couple of times. I found out later that Ri wasn't always there either. Majoring in Environmental Engineering took a lot out of the guy.

We started dating casually. Well, it was casual until the afternoon one of his teammates asked for my number. Riley heard it and chucked a baseball at his head. Good thing he wasn't a pitcher; the guy would have died. After that it was exclusive, and except for one drunken fuck up with a chick named Bree - and the two months of penance I put him through - Riley and I never parted. My mother thought it was just fabulous that we were both in love with ball players. Dad liked him as much as he was capable of liking his daughter's boyfriend.

All of my friends had met him and most of them liked him, at least what little they were able to get to know him the few days we all spent together over holidays back home. Edward had a harder time than the others, I think. Old boyfriend meets new can't be comfortable. Alice loved him immediately and simply treated him as one of the gang. I don't think he ever did figure out if that was a good thing or not. Jasper was as good natured as he'd always been, but underneath he seemed wary. Jasper seemed changed by his years away, not as open, but he always tried his best to make Riley feel included when the in-jokes started to fly. Seth and Leah were family now, but Paul and Jake only met him a couple of times. Neither were impressed. He didn't work with his hands, and they had a hard time respecting that. They didn't dislike him, they just saw him as soft.

We pushed and supported and encouraged each other through school. He graduated and immediately started working for an environmental consulting firm just outside Portland. I graduated with degrees in English and Education, complete with teaching license. There was never a doubt that I would follow him. At least, not in our minds. My dad had to take a minute to get used to the idea. I think he always held out a little bit of hope that Forks would call me home. Ri's father died when he was young, and his mother lived her own life. She didn't really care what we did, as long as we did it somewhere else.

Ri proposed to me our first night in our new apartment in Portland. We got married in Forks a year later. It was the wedding of my dreams. Every moment sprang fully formed from my childhood fantasies. From my gown, to the bridesmaids, to the cake, Alice, now an event planner, surpassed herself. It was more than I realistically hoped for. Ri told me not to be realistic, just this one day, and I paid attention. I was a queen and Forks was my kingdom for the day. The only dragon in my kingdom was Riley's mother Victoria's bitter reaction to the little bit of news we included in our thank you toast. We had just found out that week that we would be welcoming a prince or princess into the family. My dad slayed that dragon simply by the force of his happiness. My mother cried, whether in joy or fear of that ogre of a word, _grandmother, _I'll never know.

Tabitha Grace Biers was born on a dark and stormy night. Her daddy used to tell her that's why we named her after a witch. Really, I just loved the name, but we bought her _Bewitched _on dvd and she watched that far more often than _Yo Gabba Gabba_, thank God. She still watches it, though she knows every scene, word for word. My perfect little pink princess shined through the darkness that night of her birth, and made herself heard above the thunder. Tabitha Biers has never been one to be overshadowed. Or unheard. She gets that from me. From Riley she got a mind so quick it's scary. She's witty and fun and sarcastic and a real handful. She has my eyes and her daddy's hair.

We had it all. Riley and I together were bringing home more than $100,000 a year. Not bad for a couple just figuring things out. We bought a townhouse in Beaverton, a suburb of Portland, after the baby was born. It was big, and beautiful, and a great place to raise our daughter. We spent our weekdays at jobs we loved. The baby went to the daycare across from the school where I taught fifth grade. We would come home and make organic dinners with vegetables from the farmers' market that would be ready when Riley got home at 5:30. We spent the evenings and weekends playing games and taking walks with Tabitha. Or Shortcake, as she soon became known.

The love our girl had in her heart for the nose-wiggling witches of _Bewitched _was surpassed only by her passion for _Strawberry Shortcake and Friends_. I've never asked Seth where he found those cartoons, but they amazed and entertained her like nothing else. Best presents ever, to hear her tell it. Leah loves that niece of hers, but Seth is Tabitha's heart, plain and simple. He might just be her favorite human being. He pretty much feels the same. Tabitha insisted I wash her hair with the same strawberry shampoo I had been using since I was a kid myself. She liked to smell like the dolls Uncle Seff bought her. I cannot express how happy Ri and I were that the toys and the series had somehow come back in style and were easy to find at Toys R Us.

And then one night it rained, as it often does in Oregon. And Riley drove home, as he did every night. Only this night was different. This night changed everything. Forever.

Riley's been gone two and a half years. It took me a year to think straight enough to put the house on the market. It was too big for me and Tabitha. It took over a year, and two failed offers, to get it sold. Between the sale of the house, Riley's life insurance, and a small family inheritance that passed to Tab at Victoria's request, I was all right financially. But without the house that was my last anchor in Oregon, I felt adrift.

I decided finally to heed Dad's and Sue's pleas, and come home. Just for a while. Just a little while. So I packed up my SUV, quit my job, sent my things to storage, strapped my seven-year-old into her booster seat, and drove my thirty-year-old self back to my dad.

I never thought I'd be back here. Not to stay, anyway.

**A/N: I would really like to know what you think of this one. It won't stay a downer, I promise. And I believe in HEA…**


	2. Jasper Fixes A Door

"Mom! Have you seen the box with my Strawberry Shortcakes in it?"

"No, honey. Not yet."

"It can't really be my room unless my Strawberry Shortcakes are in it."

"I know. Maybe it hasn't been brought in yet. We'll just keep looking. You know that Uncle Seth has an eagle eye." She runs back up to the room that is awaiting fruit-scented toys to make it officially hers. I sigh heavily, blowing the hair out of my eyes as I do. There will be hell to pay - and soon - if those dolls aren't found. Between the boxes we brought from Dad's house across town, the boxes the movers brought from storage in Oregon, and the supplies we bought to make this first night in our newly bought house possible, I'll be lucky if we find toilet paper in this mess.

It's been a long, box-filled month. Tabitha and I made it to Forks in one piece. However, the drive that usually takes me four and a half hours with a sleeping Shortcake took me seven hours with a wide awake Shortcake. One hour for every hundred questions. Don't forget two potty breaks and lunch. But we got here.

We stayed with Dad and Sue for two weeks before I decided that we needed our own house.

I mean, I love them both, Dad and Sue. I really, really do. And there is no doubt that Tabitha was in Grandchild Nirvana. I was having a hard time, though. It's the first time I've been home for any real length of time since Riley died, and my parents just can't stop themselves from lavishing me with all of the help and sympathy they couldn't give me when I was still an obvious wreck. It's endearing. It's loving. It's driving me fucking crazy.

And it wasn't just that compassionate pair. Their door was never closed. Seth came around two or three times a week to see his Cake. Leah and Jake and their two kids, River and Skye, dropped by with great frequency "just to check in." Just to check up on me, more like. At least Tab got to play with her cousins. Paul came with them once or twice, but the family atmosphere was just too much for him. Paul has never been great with kids, not even when he was one. Emmett and Rose, who are married now - never saw that coming, by the way - visited a few times to see me. They took me out to dinner so I could, in their words, have some time away from being mommy and get in touch with Bella. They meant well. I suspect it was Rose's idea, since Em would try to steal Tabitha if he thought he could outrun my father's gun. Alice came by every day. Nothing could stop her. Edward even came over a couple of times just to chat. It was too much. Not my house, not my place to uninvite any of them, but I needed more space, more control, more privacy, more time with my daughter. Tabitha needed some normalcy and boundaries.

So we found a new house. Well, new to us. It's actually quite… a hot mess, to be honest. Seth, who at twenty-six is the most in-demand contractor in Forks, thinks I've lost my damn mind. My dad just shook his head. Sue had kittens the first time she walked in the place. To be fair, the screen door did fall off. But I like it. Tab likes it. We need a project, and this place is definitely a project. We've already replaced some windows and given it a top to bottom cleaning. It needs a paint job, indoors and out. Paint is faded and some wallpaper is peeling. Some of the walls are paneled, for God's sake. The floors need to be completely redone. The yard needs to be tamed. The screen door needs to be replaced. And, sweet Lord, the basement. Okay, fine. It's a dingy dump. But the roof and foundation are good. We can work with this.

"What am I looking for?" Seth asks, coming in the door heavy laden with more boxes filled with God knows what, having only caught the tail end of my reply to Tabitha's plea.

"Shortcake's Shortcakes. They're AWOL at the moment."

"Would that be the box with the strawberry stickers on it?" He asks this with a twinkle in his eyes.

"It would," I reply in relief.

"Hey, Cake! Got something for you!" he yells out, completely satisfied to once again be the hero. Tab skids around the corner and spies the box holding her most treasured possessions in the arms of her uncle.

"Uncle Seth! You rock!" After a kiss on his cheek, she grabs the box and drags it back up to her room.

"You sure those stairs are safe enough for her to be banging up and down them like that?" my father asks.

"Dad-" Seth doesn't let me finish, noting my extreme frustration at yet one more paternal nitpick.

"It's all good, Charlie. I checked it all out. Most of the problems are cosmetic. Like I told you. Calm down. They're fine here, I promise."

"But the floors, and the walls, the fireplace needs work," Sue adds to the conversation about my house that apparently I am not participating in. She is not in favor of this move at this point in the renovation, to put it mildly.

"It's clean, though. The plumbing and electric are fine. All of that other stuff is in the works, Mom. Jasper is coming first thing in the morning to get started on the floors. No sense in finishing the walls before the floor is done."

"Wait," I say, finding my voice. "Jasper? Jasper Whitlock?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because you wanted to get started with the reno ASAP," Seth says slowly, as if to a small, dumb child.

"No, dumbass. I mean, why Jasper?"

"Oh, that's right. You don't know. He's the new co-owner I told you about. I needed help to grow the company; he had money. Worked out great."

"Huh." That is surprising to me. What's even more surprising is the fact that I didn't know. Seth never thinks to share small details, but Alice never told me. She doesn't talk about her ex that often. Have I fallen so out of touch with my old friends? I hadn't even realized Jasper was back in town. Last I heard, he was going for his Master's in architecture at UT Austin. I realize now that I haven't spoken to him since my wedding. He had just finished his five year bachelor's program. He was so excited. I wonder what happened.

"How have I not seen him? I've been back a month!"

"He stays busy, Bells," says a new but familiar voice.

"But still, Emmett. He could have come to say hi or something."

"You'll see him tomorrow. Now, where do these boxes go?"

When they're all gone, I feed my child Chinese food then put her to bed. Her room is as unfinished as the rest of the house, but her dolls are there so it's hers. It's all unfinished, but it's ours.

Ours.

Just Tabitha's and mine.

No Riley to be found. No memories of him tucking Tab into bed, or making breakfast on Sundays, or bitching when we ran out of coffee, or making love to me in every room but the baby's. No arguments, no make ups, no vacation planning, no cold days spent in front of the fire. No Riley.

I sit down on the shabby but clean floor in my new living room and have the first breakdown I've allowed myself to have since before we left our home in Oregon. My worst since Christmas Eve. I sit here on this floor across which he'll never walk, while his baby girl sleeps in a room in which he'll never read to her, in a house he'll never fill with his laugh, his smell, his dirty socks. For just a moment, I mourn my husband all over again. I mourn for my old life.

I cover my face with my hands wrapped in the bottom of my t-shirt. Leaning my forehead on my raised knees, I make an effort to keep the sobs wracking my body from waking my girl. And I cry. And cry. And then I stop. It doesn't matter that I'm sad, or scared, or lonely, or overwhelmed. It doesn't matter that I'm angry and confused and pretending to be more together than I really am. What matters is that pink pajama clad kid upstairs. She needs me to be together. She needs me to put on the smile and make it convincing. She needs me to somehow be happy. I hope this move, this house, this project to build a new life is a good choice. I hope it will be enough.

I push myself to go upstairs. It simply will not do to have my seriously too-perceptive child find me in a puffy-eyed heap on the floor in the morning. I creak my bathroom door open and get an eyeful of sweat and snot and a red, glassy gaze. I quickly wash my face, put on my nightgown, and crawl into my cold, empty bed. It was our bed. I fall asleep knowing that in the morning, I'll be ordering a new one.

I wake up sometime in the dark of night to the feeling of little toes curling on my leg and the sound of little sniffles in my ear.

"What's wrong, Shortcake?"

"It's not really my room yet. Not even with Strawberry in there with me."

"It will be soon, Tabs. I promise. We'll make it beautiful."

"I know," she sniffs. She's been so strong throughout this entire move.

"What's really the matter, baby?"

"I miss Daddy."

"Me, too." I'm not the only one who feels his absence here.

I awake again, this time with Tabitha's feet in my back, to the unholy sound of persistent banging on the front door. Loud. So loud that it has awakened me from a deep sleep, upstairs, with the bedroom door shut. Son of a bitch, it's 7:30 in the morning. If they wake my kid, there will be hell to pay.

Getting out of my bed and running down the stairs toward whatever brain damaged individual is about to feel my wrath, I realize I have on a short nightgown and nothing else. Please don't be a crazy, door-knocking, nighty-fetishist. Too late to do anything about it now, so I fling open the door.

"What the hell?!" We say it in unison but for different reasons. He because his scantily-clad friend from high school just startled the crap out of him, and me because I did not in any way, shape, or form expect to see Jasper Whitlock swinging a hammer toward me.

"Morning, Bella. Welcome back," he says once he's regained his composure. And lowered the hammer.

"Jasper!" I say excitedly, throwing myself at him in a hug. I don't know if it's because he's been on my mind a bit since yesterday, or if I'm just happy he's not a knocking fetishist. Maybe a little of both.

"Sorry it's so early. I didn't mean to wake you," he apologizes bashfully.

"Yeah, about that," I huff as I back away. "What in the world?"

"Seth said there was a lot to do. Thought I'd get started outside. Didnt think it would wake you up. Fixed the screen door, though."

"Oh, wow. Thanks. Come on in. I'll make some coffee. If I can find the coffee. Or the coffee maker," I laugh.

"Sure, sounds good. But, uh, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Gonna put some clothes on first?"

"OH! Oh, yeah. Yeah. Go scope out the place, and I'll go change." I rush up the stairs, only a little embarrassed. We all used to skinny dip in the ocean at night when were in high school. Who cares when you're drunk? It's a little different now.

Jasper looks the same. He's still got that shaggy light brown hair, bright blue-green eyes, lop-sided dimpled smile. He looks good. Really good in his well-worn black leather jacket, white tee, and jeans.. That's been his uniform for as long as I can remember. Same jacket. Same Jasper. But not. Not as wide open. But who am I to judge the man at 7:30 in the morning? Anyway, I'm not the same, either.

"You're lucky, mister," I scold as I enter the kitchen where he is leaning on the edge of the box-covered counter. "Tab is still asleep!"

"Good. So, what do I call her, anyway?" he seems truly puzzled.

"What do you mean?"

"Seth calls her Cake, Charlie calls her Shortcake, Sue calls her Tabitha. You just called her Tab. What should I call her? Cause, you know, by the looks of the little bit of the house I've seen, me and my crew will be here quite a lot for quite a while, Bella."

"Yeah, I figured. And she'll let you know what she wants you to call her. Start out with Tabitha. Never, never Tabby. She says she might be a witch, but she's not a cat. Cake is pretty much reserved for Seth, though."

"Good to know." He grows contemplative as I move around the kitchen looking for things that will give me coffee. "I mean it, Bella. Welcome back."

"Thanks. Hey. You didn't say welcome home like everyone else."

"No. No, I understand. You're back, but this isn't home again. Not yet."

"Sounds like you do understand. And you're right," I say softly, while triumphantly pulling my Keurig from a slightly bent box. "You're back, too. Want to tell me that story?"

**"****Not right now. But that coffee would be great."**

_Jasper thinks reviews are like hugs. Who doesn't want to hug Jasper?_


	3. Tabitha Makes Some Friends

**A/N: Don't own Twilight. Or really much of anything else. Sueing me would be pointless, Stephenie.**

"Mom!"

Tabitha to the rescue. I don't even care what she wants as long as it gets me away from the most mind numbing job on my list today. After two weeks of scraping, sanding, peeling, and polishing, I have learned one thing for sure: I hate steaming off fifty year old wallpaper. At least we'll be ready to paint at the end of the week.

"Mom!"

"In here!"

"I got the best news ever!" She's all smiles. So excited. I love to see that even more than I hate steaming wallpaper.

"What is it, baby?"

"The neighbors got kids! And one of 'em is a boy! Wait. That's the bad part. The good part is he is seven! Can you believe it?"

"Wow! That is awesome, Tab! What's his name?"

"Daniel Newton."

I'm glad I've already gotten down from the step stool. I might have fallen off when I heard that name. "Newton?"

"Yep. He doesn't like to be called Danny so he knows why it's not okay to call me Tabby. Isn't that cool?"

"Yeah. So cool." Oh. _That_ Daniel. The kid's a Newton. As in Mike and Jessica Newton. Great. Neighbors with the Newtons. Two weeks in the house and not one person warned me.

High school was a jungle. Edward was Tarzan and, by his say so, I was Jane. At least in our junior and senior years, anyway. I don't know who the second fiddles were to the king and his queen in Tarzan's jungle, but they had names in mine: Mike and Jessica. The George and Ursula of Forks, so to speak. And Jessica coveted my coconut crown. We were not friends. Frenemies, maybe. Mike was harmless when left to his own devices. When led by Jessica, though, he was a completely different story. She wore the stylish pants in that relationship, and she alone controlled when they came off. So Mike did as he was told. It was a snarky and subversive rivalry, which Edward and I easily won. There were never any punches thrown.

We've run into each other a few times since then. She came to my wedding, I went to hers. We've cooed over baby pictures, including Daniel's. We're grown up now, so our animosity is both hidden and lessening. I do not, however, look forward to living on the same street. I'm not sure I'm that grown up.

"His mom said to tell you hello. So, hello," she yells out behind her as she streaks back out the door. I wonder if Newton 2.0 and his mother are out there. Probably. Jessica always did like information, snooping being her preferred method of intelligence gathering. Wiping my grimy hands on my even grimier shorts, I head outside to possibly face my new neighbor.

"Bella!" Oh, good. She _is_ here. In my yard. Awesome.

"Jessica! Oh my gosh! How are you?" I say this with as much happy sincerity as I can project on such short notice. I don't hate the woman, after all.

"I'm good, I'm good. More importantly, how are you?" And there it is. I think _this_ has more to do with my reluctance to greet her than the fact that there might be lingering feelings of mean girl toward her. The hand on the arm, the brow furrowed in concern, the eager look in the eye. Equal parts curiosity and sympathy. I usually hold it together because I know people mean well. The curiosity has gotten easier to ignore. I'm just so tired of all the damn sympathy. I miss my husband. I still grieve. But it's been two and a half years. Tab and I need to heal. We deserve to heal. We're trying to heal. "I'm doing well, Jessica. Thank you for asking."

"That's wonderful," she says. "I'm so happy to hear that." I believe she means it, and now I'm confused. Stepping back from me, she chirps, "So our kids have certainly struck up an immediate friendship. Daniel is overjoyed that your Tabitha doesn't try to call him Danny. Instant bond." She laughs with a genuine smile on her face.

"She understands. Tabby is everyone's favorite nickname, except hers. She hates it," I explain.

"Then they should get along great. Unlike we did, huh?" I can't believe she pointed out the pink elephant in this reunion. Girl's brave.

"Well, yeah. That was a long time ago, though."

"It was. Bygones?" She extends her right hand. And I take it.

"Bygones," I grin. "Well, that was very grown up of us."

"I know, right?"

We take a seat on my cracked and dirty front steps and watch our kids run and play. It's beautiful. They're smiling and laughing and just enjoying the sun and breeze and grass and each other. And so are Jessica and I.

"Which house is yours?"

"We're three doors down. It's the yard with the tall picket fence and the slightly overgrown grass. Mike is supposed to mowing today, but he volunteered to watch the little ones while I spend some time with Daniel."

"Little ones?"

"Yeah. Mike and Jess have the beginnings of their own ball team," says a voice from the direction of the backyard.

"Hi, Jasper. You look like you've been working hard," Jessica calls out. They seem at ease with each other. He was closer to her and Mike than I was in school. I guess Jasper must have done a better job of keeping in touch with old friends than I did.

"Got a lot to do. They're having fun," he grins as he gestures to the happy boy and girl hopping around my front yard around my front yard. What kid doesn't love a Hippity Hop? Turning back to Jessica, he asks, "Just you and Daniel?"

"Emma and Ava are napping. Mike is probably still trying to feed Andrew his lunch."

"Four kids? Wow. I have my hands full with Tab!" I feel true admiration.

"Oh, four is it for us, too. The twins are three, Andrew is almost a year, and Daniel has had enough. We're done," Jessica says with a wistful smile. Something tells me that verdict is not yet written in stone. I never would have guessed it back in the day. Jessica Stanley Newton seems like a happy mommy. "And now that I think about it, we should probably be getting back. My husband is a great dad, but he can only be left alone with that many of them for so long."

"Can Daniel stay a little while longer?" My girl, always reluctant to cut short the fun.

"Please, Mom?" Daniel asks, but doesn't whine.

"We could walk him home, Jessica," I say, "if it's okay with you."

"Thank you. Next time, guys. I promise. Daniel's dad is making everyone lunch today."

"Okay," Tab says a bit reluctantly. "Bye, Mrs. Newton."

"See you, Jess."

"Later, Jasper. Hey, you still coming over for dinner Wednesday?"

"Yep."

"I'd love for you to come, too, Bella. Lauren and Tyler will be there. I know Laur would love to see you. It'll be a reunion. Of course, you should bring Tabitha. My kids would love it."

"Just let me know what time and what to bring."

We exchange numbers, and she leads Daniel home, much to Shortcake's chagrin.

"I wish Daniel could stay. He's the first new kid I met here. The only friends I got are River and Skye," she says, toeing the grass.

"Oh, honey. He'll be back. You okay?"

My precious daughter looks up to me with sadness in her eyes and replies, with utmost sincerity, "I'm bummed."

Chuckling next to me, Jasper whispers almost inaudibly, "Oh, my God. This kid is awesome." I turn slightly and give him a grin and a nod. A little louder, he says, "Tabitha, I could really use some help sanding down the new windowsill for your room. Want to try?"

"Yeah! That would be great," she replies, perking up immediately. "Can I, Mom?"

"Yes, but only if you listen to Jasper. If he tells you to do something, you do it, okay?"

"Okay!"

"First thing is to go inside and put on some sneakers. Flip flops don't work in a construction zone."

"Okay. Be right back!"

"That's really sweet, Jasper," I tell him, turning to face him and seeing the bright grin on his face.

"Can't have the kid bummed, now, can I?"

"Watch her back there."

"I will. She'll be fine. I'm not going to give her any power tools. So, I'm a little surprised you agreed to have dinner with Jessica and Lauren. I'm telling you right now, there will be photographic evidence. Pictures, Bella. I will show them at the next reunion, I swear," he chuckles.

"Come on. We're not in high school anymore. We can be nice."

He nods. "You're right."

"And Jessica seems to have grown up into someone I could like a lot."

"Yes, she has. She and Mike are good people. Great parents, fun. Lauren, on the other hand…"

"Oh, no, really?"

"She's pretty much as you remember her," he says with a cocked eyebrow.

"That is disappointing. What did I just get myself into?"

"A mostly enjoyable evening. Tyler is still a great guy."

"So are you."

We smile at each other, and he's about to say something. Before he can say it though, Tab bursts through the front door.

"I'm ready! Are we going out back? Do I need goggles? Do I get plug-in tools? Why do we gotta sand the window? Is there just one? Will it - "

"Whoa, Tabitha. One question at a time." He says this with a laugh, not a hint of annoyance. He's good with her.

"If we're gonna work together, you should call me Tab. It'll save time."

"Okay. You call me Jasper, and I'll call you Tab," he replies with a smile.

"But not Tabby. You have to promise, Jasper."

"I would never call you that. You're not a cat."

"Exactly!"

They round the corner and disappear, talking of nicknames and power tools. She made another friend. It's been a good day. It's been a good couple of weeks.

The renovation started the morning Jasper knocked on the front door with a hammer. After I put my clothes on and made coffee, we earmarked the most important items on an extensive and expensive to-do list. The house was in both better and worse shape than I thought. Structurally, the place was more sound than I'd hoped. Cosmetically, the work that needed to be done seemed like an endless task of decisions and expenditures.

The first tasks involved making the house safe for Tabitha: railings were repaired; smoke, radon, and carbon detectors were installed; dust was vacuumed; and locks were made secure. We'd had the electric checked and the whole house inspected for mold before I bought it, so the safety issues were relatively minor. Jasper's crew worked fast and efficiently. I had no doubt that everything was being done right. I am, after all, the sister of one owner and a friend of the other.

Next on our list were the rooms we needed finished the quickest. Without doubt, Shortcake's room had to be done first. My girl needs to feel at home. Everything else, including the kitchen remodel, can wait. Thankfully, the rooms upstairs had amazing wood floors underneath the hideous carpet with which the place came furnished. Two days of cutting and pulling up said carpet and a week of very loud sanding and refinishing, and Tab and I had beautifully restored hardwood throughout the second floor. Seth was proud of his guys when he came over to inspect, and even Sue was happy with the result. Jasper says we can start painting before the end of the week.

It's been a great experience. I never thought I'd say that about an ongoing renovation, but it's true. And to be honest, it's been all thanks to Jasper. He's been here almost every day, at least for an hour or two. He swings by to check on the crew, inspect their work, keep them on task. He pops his head in to see how we're holding up. He's encouraged me to take part in the work, giving me easy tutorials on the jobs I decide to take on. Jobs like the dreaded wallpaper. He said it would make me feel like a part of the progress, and he was right. It's exciting to see Tab included in that feeling, as well.

The best part about him coming around so often has been… him. It's been pretty damn nice having an adult around to talk to who isn't my brother, or overprotective stepmother, or incredibly chirpy event-planner-slash-welcome-wagon. Seth, Sue, and Alice have been frequent visitors, but, really, they just tire me out sometimes. Jasper is so laidback. He gives me a chance to inhale.

We talk about nothing, really. He's not ready to open up about whatever brought him back here. I'm not ready to admit to the utter wreck I was in Oregon, or the complete disaster I still am inside. I think we both find some relief from the curious and well-meaning people in our lives in each other. Jasper's an old friend who doesn't dwell on the past; our shared memories are just the foundation for the new friendship we seem to be forming.

Dragging myself back inside, leaving behind a perfect summer day and the sound of my daughter's laughter, I once again tackle my current nemesis. That wallpaper is going down.

******A/N: Not much going on. Still painting the landscape, so to speak. This one's a slow burn, folks. George and Ursula refers "George of the Jungle".**


	4. Bella Gets Over Herself

**A/N: Thanks for being patient. First it snowed (yay) then I got sick (boo). Don't own Twilight. I do own too many cough drops.**

"What do you think about this, Tabs?" I ask, pulling on the flirty summer dress.

"I think you still look pretty. You looked pretty the last two times you changed, too, though," she giggles. Suddenly becoming more contemplative, she asks, "Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Is this a date?"

I stop mid-zip. "No, honey, no. This isn't a date. Who would it be a date with?"

"Jasper?"

"Oh, no, no, no. Tabs, Jasper and I are just friends. We have been since high school."

"Since before you met Daddy?"

"Yep," I say with a strained smile. I love how she talks about Riley; he's still such a big part of how she views her daily world. But it's hard sometimes, too. "Why do you think this is a date?"

She raises her left eyebrow, a trick inherited from my father. We call it his bullshit detector. On my daughter, we call it the Are-You-Serious-Brow. She sasses, "Have you seen you, Mom?"

"Tabitha," I warn with the mom tone. "That's close enough to the disrespectful line."

"Sorry, Mommy." I don't love chastising my kid, but I refuse to raise a smart-mouthed brat. She's seven; sometimes she needs to be reminded.

"It's fine, but be careful. Now, what were you trying to say?"

"Just that you changed clothes three times. You have a dress on and high heels. You act like you're nervous. That's what girls on tv do before a date. I thought we were just going to a cookout at Daniel's house."

Sweet baby Jesus, she's right. To her eyes, I must look exactly like that. How do I explain this without confusing her even more?

"It's not a date, Shortcake," I tell her, kicking off the way too fancy shoes and sitting on my bed. "I am a little nervous, though. Some of the people we're going to meet tonight are people I knew in high school."

"Did you know EVERYone in high school?" she giggles.

"Seems like it, huh? It's a small town, Tabs. I knew a lot of people here."

"But why does that make you nervous? If you know them?"

Ugh. Explaining Lauren to her without making it weird for the rest of the evening is not going to be easy. I don't lie to my kid, but I don't necessarily tell her all of the truth, either.

"Well, Tyler was a really nice guy, and we were friends. But Lauren and I, well, you know how you were friends with Megan sometimes, and then sometimes you guys weren't nice to each other at all?"

"Ohhhh," she replies, drawing out the sound, totally getting it. She and Megan Tulley were inseparable in first grade, unless it was a day they wanted to pull out each other's hair. Those days occurred at least once a week.

"Yeah. So I want to make a good impression. She always called me short, so I guess that's why I want to wear heels. I want her to think I look good. And I kinda hope she got fat!"

"Mooooommm! That's not nice!" She's right, but I get the reaction I was hoping for. We're both laying back on the bed and laughing. She understands. And now, so do I. I'm being silly, and I don't have to impress Lauren.

"Come on. Let me change back into something comfortable, and we'll get going. Go grab the salad out of the fridge so we don't forget it."

"Okay," she says happily, obviously ready to hang out with Daniel. "Oh, Mom?" she asks turning back to face me from the door.

"Hmm?"

"Wear cool jewelry. Lauren will be jealous of all your cool jewelry."

She runs down the hallway and stomps her way down the stairs, leaving me behind to marvel at the awesomeness that is my kid.

Tab and I arrived in Forks the last week of June. We celebrated the Fourth of July with a family barbeque, Dad and Sue happy and content with all their kids and grandkids running around. I ate my weight in grilled lobster tails at a backyard get together at Rose and Emmett's, organized by Alice with glasses of wine and faux-intellectual hipster conversations at every turn. Even Paul got in on the act, roasting up some freshly caught shellfish on the beach when he, Leah, and Jake threw a welcome back beach day for me and my girl. Tab ran and squealed in the surf just like I used to do when I spent days on the reservation with my friends.

Every party was different, every situation a new type of celebration. Tonight, though, is just dinner with friends, no purpose other than to have a meal together. Laid back, children playing, no pressure. Except from me, that is. I need to get over myself and just enjoy the evening. Grabbing the bowl and a gift bag and leading an excited Shortcake out the door, we head three doors down the road.

"Hi, Tabitha! Hi, Mrs. Biers!" Daniel greets us. He's obviously been waiting on the front porch of the large, well maintained house.

"Hi, Daniel!" Tab is just as excited to see him.

"Mom says come on out back," he tells me.

"Thank you, Daniel," I tell the polite little boy as he leads us behind the house. Turning the corner, I am suddenly very happy that I changed into cute little pink top and some jeans. My sandals are much more appropriate than heels for this get together. Jessica is in shorts and a t-shirt. Woman is wearing flip flops. What kind of moron would I have looked like? Tabs to the rescue.

"Bella! Hi! You look great!" Well, I am wearing cool jewelry.

"So do you! Thanks for inviting us," I smile, suddenly very happy to have decided to come. She's already put me at ease.

"What's this?" she asks, nodding toward the bowl Tab is now holding.

"Mom made nanzapelli," Tabitha chirps, handing over the salad.

"Panzanella," I correct when I catch Mike's raised eyebrows.

"Oh. Well, sounds great either way," he says, smiling down at my girl "You must be Tabitha! I'm Daniel's dad."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Newton."

"Nice to meet you, too. You're a very polite girl."

"Thank you," she replies, then takes off running when Daniel grabs her arm.

Chuckling, my old friend turns to me with a wide smile. "Bella! Bring it in," he exclaims, arms wide open. I take a sideways peek at Jessica to gauge her reaction. She's all giggles, so I step into the very warm welcome.

"Mike, so good to see you," I tell him honestly when I step back.

"Hope you're hungry. Jasper has been grilling chicken like a crazy person."

I look up and see that Jasper is indeed manning the grill. He raises his beer in salute. I raise my hand back and realize I'm still holding the gift bag.

"Oh, Jessica, this is for you. Tabitha saw it and thought it was perfect."

As Jessica and Mike oooh and ahhh over the gift my girl picked out especially for them, I hear the back door bang shut. Looking up to be sure it wasn't my kid running in and out of the house, I see first Tyler then Lauren. Oh, hell. Jasper wasn't kidding. She's way too dressed up, just as I would have been. Just too much.

"What is that, anyway?" Lauren squeaks out in a voice that could cut glass. Most people grow out of a voice like that.

"It's a s'mores maker for the grill. Keeps them from making a mess. Hi, Lauren," I say, giving her the benefit of the doubt in hopes of being as pleasantly surprised with her as I was with Jessica. Unfortunately, some things are not to be.

"Hi," she returns with a fake smile I well remember. Tyler, on the other hand, greets me with a real smile and quick hug, then wanders over to Jasper and Mike at the grill.

"Mom, come look!" Tabitha and Daniel yell the same thing at the same time, and Jessica and I laugh. They've built a pitch and toss game from cans, string, and branches.

"That's awesome, guys! You're both so creative!" Jessica is as impressed as I am at their ingenuity. Lauren, not so much. The kids are excited and want to explain it all. Shortcake begins going into detail about just how hard it was to find just the right branches.

"What's her name?" Lauren asks me.

"Tabitha."

"Oh. Well, Tabby, we're going to have some big girl talk here on the patio for a little while. Daniel, you two run along and play, and we'll watch from here, all right?"

Both my daughter and I open our mouths to correct the presumptuous woman. Before either of us can speak, however, Jasper walks up behind me. Giving me a beer from the wheelbarrow Mike has filled with ice, Jasper tells Lauren, "Tabby is a cat name. Tabitha isn't a cat, Lauren." He says it with a smile, but it's obvious he isn't really joking.

"Uh huh," Lauren responds with an eye roll.

It's such a small thing. Defending her to this woman, though, has apparently elevated him to hero status with my kid. He's risen a rung or two in my eyes, as well.

"These ladies are boring, kids. Show me your game," he invites following the excited children across the yard.

"Laur, don't tell my kid to run along. They were just excited," Jessica admonishes. She dropped her smile as soon as the children turned around. Now, she's my hero.

"Sorry, Jess. I'm just eager to catch up with Bella," she grins. Yeah, bullshit. "So, I thought you were never coming back. Isn't that what you said?"

"What? When I was eighteen? Yeah, maybe. Things change. It was time."

"We all thought you would be back when your husband died. You know, alone with a kid and all."

Taking a moment to collect myself, I take a drink of my beer. It's a good local IPA, and a good thing on which to focus until the urge to call Lauren an evil bitch has passed.

"Lauren!" Jessica exclaims, clearly pissed at her friends insensitivity. I find it hard to see why these two have stayed friends.

"What? I'm just saying!"

"No, it's okay, Jessica. Yes, Lauren, it was hard after Riley died. I was a wreck. But it was better for Tab to have some stability in her life. Losing her dad then losing her home and friends at the same time would have been too much for such a young child to handle. She hadn't even turned five yet. But it's better now. We're both ready for a new adventure."

Even Lauren has the sense to leave this topic alone now. "Well, welcome back. I'm, uh, going to go see what Tyler is up to. Excuse me," she huffs out.

"Wow. You handled her well," Jessica praises.

"Thanks. She's, well, she's…"

"Exactly like she was in high school? Yeah, I know. I love her anyway." And we both giggle as we watch the kids play.

Mike, Jasper, and Tyler join all the kids for a water balloon fight. The twins, Ava and Emma, have terrible aim, even for toddlers, so the guys keep running into the line of fire. Jasper lifts his shirt to wring it out and I catch a glimpse of a tattoo. My, my, my. My little gasp gets Jessica's attention, and I avert my eyes. It's not like I meant to look, anyway. I wish she'd stop grinning like that.

The chicken is juicy, the hot dogs are a hit, the panzanella disappears, and Tyler and Lauren suddenly remember that thing they have to do at that place as soon as dinner is over. The kids are all sitting in the grass, completely sticky with marshmallow, as Mike tries to stay ahead of the s'mores orders at the grill. Ava and Emma have turned out to be sweet little chocolate-covered darlings, both of them the spitting image of their father. They have been trying mightily to keep up with Tab. They've decided she's awesome. Baby Andrew is snuggled in his mother's lap. After one more round of s'mores, Mike finally joins the adults at the table.

"So what are your plans, Bella?" Mike asks, washing down his dessert with a beer.

"Immediate plans are to finish Shortcake's room before school starts. Jasper and his crew are doing an amazing job."

"You're helping, don't forget," he acknowledges with a wink.

"Have you decided which school she's going to?" Jessica, ever the mom, asks.

"I haven't really given it much thought, to be honest. The house has kind of consumed my brain. Where does Daniel go?"

"Three Rivers Academy. It's small, but that's what we like about it. Kids come from around the county."

"Aren't the public schools any good?"

"Oh, yeah. They're good. It's nothing against them, we just like the Academy. Uniforms, smaller classes, more time spent on each kid, less time on those standardized tests. Plus they're all at the same place."

"I remember seeing those poor kids in their uniforms. You like that?"

"Yeah," Mike chimes in. "It's easier to shop for," he laughs. "But really, the program just seems more challenging. The uniforms are worth it."

Jasper snickers. "We didn't used to think so, now did we?"

"God, no," Mike says, lost in memory. "We tortured those kids. It was funny then."

"Come with me to check it out, Bella. We can go do a visit this week," Jessica offers, steering the conversation back to adulthood.

"We can do that. Go for lunch after?"

"Sounds great."

Night falls, we drink a few more beers, the air chills, and the time comes to put the sleepy children to bed. Jasper offers to walk us home, and gives Tab a piggyback ride.

"Coffee?" I ask when we reach our door.

"Thanks, but not tonight. Down you go, Tab!"

"Goodnight, Jasper," she says, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, kid. See you tomorrow. We're going to get that room done this week."

"Go get ready for a bath, sleepyhead. I'll be right up," I tell her. She takes off running up the stairs.

"You must be pretty special. You got kiss on the cheek," I kid with him.

"Special, huh?" he questions. Grinning, dimples and all, he leans down, and kisses me on my cheek. "You are, too. Goodnight, Bella."

He turns and walks down the driveway, not waiting for my response. After an embarrassingly long time, I have one.

**Touching my tingling cheek, I whisper, "Goodnight."**


End file.
